Man Law – Learn It, Live It…you jackass…
by admin on Dec.09, 2009, under Uncategorized
Jesus gets pissed at men who do not adhere to man-law. One of the oldest, most sacred and deeply embedded of these being the Men’s Room Urinal Law. There are a strict set of rules governing which urinal to use whenever nature calls. At a glimpse, women will think that the decision of which urinal to use is arbitrary and chaotic when, in fact the rules are quite rigid and extremely logical. So logical in fact that given the time, we could break it down to a true-false (0/1) algorithm…but Angry Jesus cares not about the intricacies of Digital Logic and statistically speaking, I’m sure most of my readers feel the same way as he does.
The following situation is a cardinal offense:
1.) A men’s room has only 3 urinals
2.) All 3 spots are empty
3.) A jackass walks in and chooses to use the urinal in the middle
4.) When this ass-maggot dies, he’s going to Hell.
Seems mundane, doesn’t it ladies?
Well, no…it isn’t.
What this behavior does is force the next gentleman who comes in while that middle urinal is in use to make a tough decision. Venture further into the men’s room to find a stall or *shudder* post up right next to this asshole who’s father didn’t raise him correctly. Had he been provided with a proper male role-model, he would know that he should’ve taken the empty urinal on either end and NOT the one in the middle…Goddamn scallywag.
Below is a very simple set of guidelines for those of you who are unfamiliar with such trifles:
1.) Maximize the space between you and another individual
2.) If you MUST be right next to someone try not to take a space where you are nestled in between two people. (i.e. you may be forced to be right next to someone on your left but try to make sure no one is on your right unless they are two urinals away)
3.) Make the quickest exit possible
Simple, no? There are more logical things to take into account for more complex situations but those are the three main ones. With such simple guidelines to follow, one has to wonder why so many moronic men chose to fight against their instinct. The answer isn’t that difficult to deduce – women have known it since the dawn of man: guys are dicks.
December 9th, 2009 on 9:13 pm
Ha! Truer words have never been spoken my good man!
December 9th, 2009 on 9:36 pm
I forgot to add “…AND WASH YOUR HANDS! …nasty bastards…”
~disfiggad
December 10th, 2009 on 10:35 am
Not only do I take the middle urinal, I assume a wide stance. Real men show their dominance not just with where they pee, but how they pee.
December 11th, 2009 on 2:12 pm
So what do you do when there is only two stalls> I think it’s more gay to stand by the back wall and stare at the guy using one of the stalls until he is done.
Also at a ball game or concert its a free fall on. Often is gets so crowded you sometimes have to share the urinal. When alot of beer is involved all rules go out!
December 13th, 2009 on 8:24 pm
Of course there are exceptions…
In the two stall scenario, I figure why not just pee on the guy’s shoes. That’ll learn him to take your spot! Besides, its not a question of gay its just a matter of men’s physiological need to assert dominance in their own personal space.
Ball games and concerts – all bets are off. You bleed the lizard wherever and however you can, dammit! That’s a man’s right as handed down by our forefathers in the 45th Constitutional Amendment of 1853.
~disfiggad