Angry Jesus

I must apologize to my loyal readers for not informing you of Angry Jesus’ hiatus. Aside from my somewhat recent move, I’m currently working on a couple of musical projects that I need to focus on. Believe me, I will be back and even while working on these other things, I’ve been writing outlines and jotting down scenarios for everyone’s favorite agitated Son of God.

Keep checking back in the very near future…I’ll be back…and trust me, it’ll be worse than ever.

~DisFiggad

Jesus gets pissed at men who do not adhere to man-law. One of the oldest, most sacred and deeply embedded of these being the Men’s Room Urinal Law. There are a strict set of rules governing which urinal to use whenever nature calls. At a glimpse, women will think that the decision of which urinal to use is arbitrary and chaotic when, in fact the rules are quite rigid and extremely logical. So logical in fact that given the time, we could break it down to a true-false (0/1) algorithm…but Angry Jesus cares not about the intricacies of Digital Logic and statistically speaking, I’m sure most of my readers feel the same way as he does.

The following situation is a cardinal offense:

1.) A men’s room has only 3 urinals
2.) All 3 spots are empty
3.) A jackass walks in and chooses to use the urinal in the middle
4.) When this ass-maggot dies, he’s going to Hell.

Seems mundane, doesn’t it ladies?

Well, no…it isn’t.

What this behavior does is force the next gentleman who comes in while that middle urinal is in use to make a tough decision. Venture further into the men’s room to find a stall or *shudder* post up right next to this asshole who’s father didn’t raise him correctly. Had he been provided with a proper male role-model, he would know that he should’ve taken the empty urinal on either end and NOT the one in the middle…Goddamn scallywag.

Below is a very simple set of guidelines for those of you who are unfamiliar with such trifles:

1.) Maximize the space between you and another individual
2.) If you MUST be right next to someone try not to take a space where you are nestled in between two people. (i.e. you may be forced to be right next to someone on your left but try to make sure no one is on your right unless they are two urinals away)
3.) Make the quickest exit possible

Simple, no? There are more logical things to take into account for more complex situations but those are the three main ones. With such simple guidelines to follow, one has to wonder why so many moronic men chose to fight against their instinct. The answer isn’t that difficult to deduce – women have known it since the dawn of man: guys are dicks.

**"For a man, He has very nice nails!"

Angry Jesus…work safe.
…unless you work in a Church.

~disfiggad

A special thanks goes out to my boy Mark who helped make this whole process A LOT faster! Appreciate it, man…one.

I think Michael Jackson faked his own death so he could kill Ted Kennedy. You’re a clever one, M.J. …clever indeed…

~disfiggad